What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?

Last Updated: 03.07.2025 06:01

What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?

We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.

Im dying but, im not bitter.

He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!

Do handsome guys intimidate women or people in general?

As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)

With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.

But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .

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He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.

5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.

Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years

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And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!

Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..

So, i spoilt her more .

What should I do if a girl whom I love asks me to be her friend?

I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.

Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.

He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!

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They are buried together, in the same grave..

So whats the point in blame.

I was scared of men, in general

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Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!

She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.

Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.

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Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.

You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.

We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..

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I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.

I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.

Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.

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He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.

At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.

Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.

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I never cut or harmed myself..

Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.

Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.

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One cannot hold on to bitterness.

One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.

She found it foreign!.

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It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.

The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..

Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.

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I might have to go back 30 generations or more..

My life is so biszare .

It was going to be , some day.

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As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!

Thats was my nicest nick name for him

I was seconnd youngest,

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But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).

It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.

I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.

Comes on , in middle age.

Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..

We were not on the streets..

That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.

What did i know ?

I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)

I of course replied” arh beautiful!

I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.

My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.

I did it because my mum asked me too!

I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.

Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.

But im an empath, and i help lots of people.

And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!

Was to survive, this bastard.

Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..

I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.

The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,

I have no regrets .

Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?

Who then, do I blame.?

She died at 55 of colon cancer.

She was a women, a mother with her own children!.

He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.

He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!

Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!

But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!

And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)

I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.

I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.

Im still living with it.

19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.

She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!

I had hoped to write a book about this .

Would this be the day?

As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.

She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.

For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)

On the 31st of Jan this month .

And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.

Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.

I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!

They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?

She was in good health!

I could never make a relationship work though!

But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.

Its mostly always from childhood abuse .

And, all my friends down the years ,where users.

So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.

Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other

He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!

And who doesn’t know suffering?

Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!

I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.

The only rule us 5 kids had .

I suffer greatly, because of BPD..

Where the ultimate outsiders.

I was writing from the time i was a small child.

As i do to all so called friends.?

One cannot live in the past .

But it wasn’t much.

I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!

The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!

And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!

The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.

Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.

Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.

Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.

Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.

He resisted the act ,that day.

We could never speak unless he spoke to us!

I will be 64.

Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!

My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .

As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!

This is how, and why children get BPD.

Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.

(And it was in our own minds.)

.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them

He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.

My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.

I write beautiful poetry .

Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life

I think the readers, may guess!

When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!

We all went to grammer schools

She married twice! .

My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.

And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!

His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.

We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!

Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.

But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !

Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.

Put me off passion for life!!

I was 9 years of age.

She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!

But im dying ,and its too late for me.

And i lived it daily.

Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.

But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,

Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.

He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!

My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.

I don,t even have a pension.

He was dying to do it , i knew.

Why did i forgive my father ?

I said to her

She wouldn,t have been !

Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!

We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.

I know ,a lot about trauma.

My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!

I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .

But ive been too sick for many years..

Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.

Ive learnt so much.

Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t

She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!

I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.

I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.

And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .

I was very sick at this time too.

When she asked me how she looked .

He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.

I couldn’t, believe it.

This is soul school!.

My family never makes their pension either.

My mum and dad in the seventies!

She loved him until the end.

His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!

A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.

I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor

He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .

But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!

Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..

Another so called friend had bit the dust..

But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!

All the time i was locked up.

But, we were locked up after school.

You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .

One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)

One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.

I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers

Especially a lifetime of it.

Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.

So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.

He knew the spot.

I waited trembling.

Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)

As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.

BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.